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Proofread Your College Admissions Essay

Prompt: Proofread this personal statement, improving clarity and flow.

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Original Word Count:  398
Revised Word Count:  362
Since my graduation from West University, I have been working at Goldbeck GmbHworked as a civil engineer at Goldbeck GmbH. During the project management process, I have often encountered problems; for instance, it may take several days for a secretary to look upchallenges, such as the lengthy process of gathering paper documents and chat records to issue a analysis report ofanalyze process problems, and there iswith no guarantee of accuracy. PI was puzzled by the chaoticinefficiency of on-site management, I often and wondered: W why arwe were still stuck in the mire of trivial information? Nowadays, faced with the task of analyzing hugereliant on manual processes for information management. With the increasing need to analyze vast amounts of data, relying solely on manual statistics will undoubtedly reduceould surely hinder the efficiency of management. IThis led me to recognized the necessity of establishinged for a data collection platform, making full use of that could effectively utilize data processing and visualization tools to liberatefree up managers' energy from tedious work.
While working a
from repetitive tasks.At Goldbeck GmbH, I deeply participatwas involved in the establishment of the "Innovate" information management platform, which was design aimed ato solveing the aforementioned problems. The workflow was reducedse problems. The platform reduced the workflow from 18 steps to 12 steps, grea, significantly improving operational efficiency. In addition, I was was also responsible for theconducting construction progress analysis by using Excel and Tableau software during monthly business meetings.
In the future, I hope to trmake a meaningfuly contributeion to the transformation and upgradinge of traditional industries, such as finance. My career goal is to join a technical development team toand help companies establish their own information management systems. By devisingI will design a functional framework and establishing data models, I will help companies process their own data acquisition tools. Meanwhile, I will also provide companies with preciselydata models to assist companies with data acquisition and provide tailored project management advice, including process management and construction cost optimization, to further improvenhance project quality and management efficiency.
Goethe University's excellent reputation and uniqueness strongly attracts offerings are highly appealing to me. The 16-month program provides an opportunity chance to immerse myself in German culture and build up my network. In addition, expansive courses ranging from operations analytics to data mining, will equip me with solid quantitative skills, expand my network, and develop solid quantitative skills through a range of courses, from operations analytics to data mining. I am also intrigued by the program's practicum and career advising services, which would help me to get exposure to ill provide me withe real-world industry andexposure and help me sharpen my professional skills.
Accumulated experience in
My previous research and work hasexperience have equipped me with a practical sense instrong teamwork and communication ability, and has trained me to be results-oriented andskills, a results-oriented mindset, and a focus on mission-ac complished. In addition, my expertise art skills inetion. Furthermore, my passion for the arts, such as singing and photography, will definitely active the whole team. I thus sincerely hope that you can grant me anbring energy and creativity to the team. I kindly request the opportunity to join your graduate program.

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